{"id":187,"date":"2015-10-02T00:46:05","date_gmt":"2015-10-02T00:46:05","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.dabreez.net\/?p=187"},"modified":"2015-10-02T01:03:38","modified_gmt":"2015-10-02T01:03:38","slug":"heart-like-a-wheel","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/www.dabreez.net\/?p=187","title":{"rendered":"Heart Like a Wheel"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"leaves\"<\/a>One of Thirty<\/a><\/strong><\/p>\n

How many days into autumn are we? Seems I started seeing the leaves fall a while ago. Now it\u2019s October. Back when I was falling in love it was before the spring, When the green was starting, but short of the official okay of a date. It wasn\u2019t April 21st then, like it\u2019s not September 21st now. It\u2019s October. We\u2019re past the heat. Then, we were before. Any day I expect to hear the sound of leaf blowers. I think I have a rake in the shop.
\nNever liked the sound of those blowers. Never liked the harshness of it. At least around my house, things should be done by hand. The leaves that had done their duty should be met with some kind of honor of exertion. Yes, and honestly, I like the feel of the ache in my shoulders as I wade into the effort. I like the feel of the handle in my hands.
\nThese days there\u2019s a good chunk of people who don\u2019t believe in rakes, who don’t believe in love. They\u2019ll point out how it never lasts, how you\u2019re blinded to peoples faults, how childish it is to dream. They\u2019ll say you shouldn\u2019t rely, you shouldn\u2019t give up, you shouldn\u2019t \u2026 you shouldn\u2019t. And when the summer comes, they\u2019ll tell you you\u2019re tricked.
\nStill, you suck up the sun, lay on the beach, open up your arms and let it take you all in. Regardless of what they say, you still do it. It\u2019s because this stodgy goo that is our everyday perception wants to jump. It wants to move and dance and fly, to be away from this sameness, to hunger for the other -and feed.
\nThey\u2019ll say there\u2019s more than one, that it isn\u2019t just the heat of the sun, but the smell of the flowers -just like in the greenhouse – or not the warmth of the day -just like what you can get from the fireplace. They\u2019ll say that to be balanced and healthy you have to enjoy everything.
\nBut more than anything, they\u2019ll say that, once again, you\u2019re wrong. That to be normal and healthy, like everybody else, you have to do what they say. Don\u2019t love.
\nBut These leaves keep falling.
\nWrong doesn’t matter. Wrong doesn’t care. Wrong is it’s own kind of glory, like those leaves. They did their duty, with no one telling them it wasn\u2019t worth it. There\u2019s cycles to this. Giving into what you want, letting go of all the should-of-beens, it\u2019s kind of all the same thing. And with each pull of the rake the body remembers.
\nIt\u2019s like those nightmares. Have you ever had those nightmares where you\u2019re falling and there\u2019s nothing there to catch you? The kind where only dying is at the end. And if they last \u2026 yeah, I know, crazy. If the terror lasts, right? But if they last, if you let go of the fear and turn in your dreaming eye, \u2026 if you can do that, you\u2019ll find
\n\u2026 you\u2019re flying.
\nAnd the seasons turn and the wheel creaks. It\u2019s the cycle, it\u2019s the circle of things that we\u2019re made for \u2026 not to measure up to someone else\u2019s description of better or best. And the honor and attention that we give to these falling bits of ourselves, and the thrill of the wind tearing it all down in a sudden \u2026 all of that required a beginning.
\n\u201cIf you\u2019re brave enough, often enough, you will fall.\u201d – Brene Brown<\/a>
\nAnd the leaves are everywhere.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

One of Thirty How many days into autumn are we? Seems I started seeing the leaves fall a while ago. Now it\u2019s October. Back when I was falling in love it was before the spring, When the green was starting, but short of the official okay of a date. It wasn\u2019t April 21st then, like … Continue reading “Heart Like a Wheel”<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","enabled":false}}},"categories":[9,11],"tags":[],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p3UYCu-31","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.dabreez.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/187"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.dabreez.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.dabreez.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.dabreez.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.dabreez.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=187"}],"version-history":[{"count":9,"href":"http:\/\/www.dabreez.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/187\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":197,"href":"http:\/\/www.dabreez.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/187\/revisions\/197"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.dabreez.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=187"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.dabreez.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=187"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.dabreez.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=187"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}